| 10/08-Legacy: Leaving Behind What Really Matters |
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What comes to mind when we think of our “Legacy” is usually our estate, the financial gifts or valuable tangibles that we expect to pass on to the next generation. But our legacy includes other important elements of life that we want our loved ones to know we cherish. Aspects of our heritage such as our ethics, values, beliefs, rituals and food traditions are also part of the legacy we leave our families and communities. Is there a value in acknowledging and celebrating these parts of our legacy before we lose our loved ones? Is there a value for both sides of the relationship in doing so? People who have done so report it as a profoundly gratifying endeavor. If you want to proceed with what could be described as a “legacy project”, know that this can be as simple as having a conversation, writing a blessing or a one page legacy letter, or as complex as writing a memoir. It could include collecting and preserving photos, documenting family history, recording family stories, listening to favorite music and noting memories, visiting old neighborhoods, journaling together, scrapbooking or planting. If you want to consider completing a project like this with a loved one, the first step would include an invitation to explore the idea. Have a conversation about what is important to you; name the gifts that your loved one has given you. Think expansively! Acknowledging the gifts is an important step. Give this step time. Revisit the conversation. You are attempting to connect more deeply with yourself and with this important person or persons in your life Then talk about how you’d like to celebrate those gifts. Maybe the conversation will be enough of a celebration. Maybe you’ll realize that you’d both like to take another step and create a memento to preserve the gift. That’s what Bernie Saunders did with his mother, Kay. Their legacy project culminated in the publication of a book, The Grace of Ordinary Days: An Invitation to Celebrate Life’s Journey. Bernie has just published a companion guide to this book which is (from his website): “designed as a tool to support you and another person in bringing alive the richness and beauty of your relationship. It provides a simple and special way to reflect on the events of your life together, and to bring new meaning into your relationship by creating your unique living memoir.”By remembering the everyday things that you and a loved one did together and cherish, you can create an enduring tribute to your relationship. On a very personal level you are reflecting on a lifetime through the language of the heart. Think of it as an original work of art. As Bernie says “it is impossible not to do it right.” A legacy project can also be completed by oneself for future generations. Rachael Freed, an adult educator and senior care consultant, guides both women and men to document their legacies, to communicate values and stories, and to bless those who come after us. In its purpose, legacy writing differs from memoir or family history writing. Legacies are “the footprints we leave behind. Our legacies address our needs to belong, to be known, to prove that we were here: we lived, mattered, and made a difference.” In her words, “We write to preserve our histories. We write to express who we are and what we value, to mark our unique place in the world, to be witnessed by others, to build community, to be remembered. If our lives are to have lasting meaning, we must use them as a sacred link, consciously connecting the past and the future. Your legacy will nurture your loved ones. Your written words will fill the holes in their hearts and the gaps in their histories. They will know and remember you through your stories. Your values will encourage and inspire them. Your blessings will teach them love. Today more than ever our loved ones and the world need our wisdom. We have an obligation to record our personal values, family stories, and express our love. As we do, we link the generations, strengthen families, and the very fabric of civilization.” Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies: Passing Your Beliefs and Blessings to Future Generations and The Women’s Legacies Workbook for the Busy Woman. Rachael can be reached at: www.womenslegacies.com. Bernie Saunders can be reached at: http://centerforlivingart.com/.Barbara Howe, owner of Barb Writes, LLC, assists people in writing their memoirs individually and through Community Education programs. She can be reached at www.barbwrites.com. Carolyn Manhatton, Director of Move Strategies & Solutions, helps people “rightsizing” and can be found at www.WonderfulMove.com. Eden Prairie Professionals in Aging is a professional networking organization made up of representatives of diverse organizations, all committed to the welfare of seniors in our community. For more information on EPPIA and a list of resources regarding activities in Eden Prairie, please visit our website at www.edenprairieaging.org/. Sidebar: Virginia’s Story Carolyn Manhatton, Director of Move Strategies & Solutions, a moving company for seniors in transition, tells the story of Virginia, a woman who made cranberries every Thanksgiving. She always used an old, chipped crystal bowl. Sometimes family members would give her extravagant new bowls for holidays. But she continued to use her older chipped bowl. She cherished that bowl because of how and when she got it. The bowl originally belonged to her mother-in-law. When Virginia made her first Thanksgiving dinner, her mother-in-law passed that bowl on to her. It was a symbol of acceptance and love within her new family. After more years passed it became a symbol of love, family, and treasured dinners together. Virginia passed on. Her family all wanted the “special bowl”. A very wise family member knew that this bowl symbolized the ethics and values that Virginia possessed. She decided to write the “bowl story” down and include sketches of the original bowl plus all of the gift bowls people had given Virginia. The story was a better legacy than the actual bowl. The story helps young and old family members remember what made Virginia so special. Submitted by EPPIA Members: Joyce M. Konczyk, Geriatric Care Manager, 612.227.7414 Barbara Howe, Owner of Barb Writes, LLC, 651.247.9085 Carolyn Manhatton, Director of Move Strategies & Solutions, 952.240.0164 Joanne Bartel, Director of Prairie Adult Care, 612.741.9163
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